Every day I glide out of bed, smile on my face at 5:30 just before the alarm goes off and I feel refreshed, energized and exuberant to face challenges and daily chores.
You think I do? You neither eh? Everyone knows the best sleep of the whole night is what you were having before the alarm went off and your “beloved” skewers you with an elbow to wake up and turn that $#@% thing off. I swear she has been trained to kill with that elbow.
Then I hold my broken ribs together, and after several tries manage to flip myself semi vertical so I can shuffle to the bathroom, my definition of success if I can keep one eye open and only break one toe on the way there, like on a wall or some other surprise obstacle erected during the night. If I break more than one toe, “beloved” chuckles in her sleep – how does she know?
A few minutes later I would like to crawl back into bed, I would like to fall back asleep but survival kicks in, if I do that I risk waking beloved, and waking her again within a span of ten minutes could result in pain and punishment, ……to me. Sleep is over-rated, I’ll pass.
As I’m a devout coward I slink into the kitchen quietly, to quietly make myself useful as the dawn breaks or at least hide quietly.
A couple rebounds off the hallway and I open both eyes and the kitchen and the coffee is ahead. The machine is there, but no coffee. Hmm, maybe if I unplug and plug it in again. It works on the computer, hmmm, still no coffee. Must be broken, that always works on my computer to reboot it.
I better buy a quiet coffee, they open at 6, and I can justify it because I didn’t want to wake up anybody else, meaning no one in particular. As I tie my shoes, a shoelace breaks, , so now I’m taking the broken lace out and trying to re-lace the shoe but it’s frayed where its broken and doesn’t want to go in the holes. Hard to do with one eye open.
Timidly I peek outside, it’s raining, and I see that the wind has blown the garbage cans out in the street for me to chase and pick up various odds and sods. Lovely. I’ll wear sandals, the cold water will wake me up and I’ll save a $2.00 coffee. Oh joy.
Oh yeah and it’s Sunday, so I could have slept in. (forehead slap)
Thanks for visiting and reading!
Hilarious post, sir! And thanks for the BTO — haven’t heard that song in years. When I was in college, I worked graveyard shifts at a video store. I’d often have this song playing when the city was dead quiet and I was watching the sun come up.
humor is a challenge to write, and I have loved this song for ever also. I remember hearing it at ice skating parties when I was in junior high.