Invisible or Not


now you're showing offI think my growing up 

was probably fairly typical.  I did most of the things boys do, biking, playing army with straws shooting peas, water gun fights, kick-the-can and hide and seek after dark.

I had my share of accidents also, and have the scars from cuts, and burns (I fell into a charcoal bbq because I walking on top of a fence adjacent).  When the doctors would  tell me I would have a “nice” scar while he did the stitching,  that made it all ok.  Maybe even better than before.

Somewhere in the last few days

I heard the phrase “invisible scars” and it made me stop and think.  If trauma causes invisible scars, mine are varied for sure.  The “broken heart” scarring from girlfriend failures didn’t prevent me from ever dating again, and my happy upcoming 40th wedding anniversary is proof.

However, the trauma of dialysis decades ago never left me and I dreaded it again in 2018. As a result I recognize Invisible Scars is a real thing.


My left arm during hemodialysis

Some may say that “time heals all wounds” but I think that’s false.

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” ― Quote from Kahlil Gibran

Neither is all suffering beneficial.


I doubt that any one can say that their life is completely unblemished by a traumatic event completely.  More likely we are each the result of trauma that has helped us, or hurt us, or just taught us.

The question may be perhaps then “what was the result of my own traumatic events to the person?”

The answers could be that the person has fears like deep water, heights, loud noises, fear of the dark, difficulty trusting, public speaking …

or the answer the person gives could be “ I realized I had this fear, so I have faced that fear by taking swimming lessons,  night lights, counseling,  practicing speaking at Toastmasters, and so on.

dave sr young

me and Tiger my dog


Perhaps I am just better off realizing that what I see and know of a person is not the whole person because I can’t possibly know their entire life or see how life has shaped them.

Like me, you, and everyone else, I am better off understanding that each person carries scarring, invisible or not.


I guess that’s part of the message of The Hobbit, and Lord of the Rings, that the little things in life make a difference, and if everyone starts doing little positive things…… big difference. 


“Saruman believes that it is only great power that can hold evil in check. But that is not what I have found. I have found it is the small things.

Everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay.

Simple acts of kindness and love.” – Gandalf (J.R.R. Tolkien)


Not really sure of what this post response will be, but I will post it regardless and await your response.- David



About dfolstad58

I live in the South Okanagan. BC. I enjoy reading, exercise, toastmasters. spending time with my son, my daughter, & her husband , and my patient wife. I try to respond personally to every comment on my blog, and in this way I hope to get to know my readers a little bit and and am able to thank readers for their encouragement on what they liked and suggestions on what they would like to see me try in order to improve.
This entry was posted in FAVORITE POSTS - A Few of them ♥, health, Thinking Out loud and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Invisible or Not

  1. Letitgocoach says:

    Beautiful post. Thoughtful and heartfelt.

    I used to say, ‘Time heals all wounds’ as well, but I believe it’s what happens in that span of time. Healing takes time and we can nurture ourselves back to health in it.

    Your words, “helped us, hurt us, or taught us.” The hurt does help us because that pain can be our teacher. The key is to not live in the pain forever. Move on, just like you did into a life-long marriage. My marriage failed, but that doesn’t mean I’m not worthy of being loved.

    I have ‘nice’ scars on top of my skin and some scaring within, but each day given to us by His grace is another day in this classroom of life to continually live, learn and love.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Everyone has scars, they are a fabric of our being. The invisible ones are the ones I cried about the most but they are probably the ones that had the biggest role in shaping who I am today.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sandra J says:

    That is the key word right there Dave, they made us who we are today. We don’t understand why things happen when we are in the moments of hurt. But as I look back on them now, I do understand, I understand that I might be able to help someone else from my experience. And that I can understand the silent pains of others. Wisdom comes from age, there are no shortcuts. Wonderful post.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Julie Krupp says:

    Any post that encourages compassion for other and ourselves definitely has a point. Great article!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lael-Heart says:

    I love your post so much.
    As someone with a trauma injury, it really speaks to me and does my heart good. ❤


  6. I think this is a very honest, heart-felt post that comes from deep experience. Thanks for sharing. 🙂


  7. debscarey says:

    What a lovely, heart-warming post – exactly what I needed to read right now. It’s impossible to know what hurt a person carries inside. Even when aware of trauma, we cannot know how heavily or lightly it being is carried, for that can change from day-to-day. Your post has captured how important it’s to do the small things, no need for a great big gesture, kindness always works & is always appreciated. Lastly, I am sorry to hear of your lengthy battle with kidney disease which has clearly created the great empathy you feel for others.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Well said. I find that the invisible scars are more obvious in some than others, and probably for a good reason.


  9. I keep thinking about this in terms of all of our experiences—“The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” All of the parts—good and traumatic—shape us. I like to think for the better.


    • dfolstad58 says:

      I really like the way you phrased that Crystal. The ingredients that go into the recipe alone may not be edible, but combined they are delicious!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m not sure who said it first. But my mom always said, “Everything happens for a reason.” She never explained further, but many years later, I finally understood. “The struggles strengthen us”— I lifted that line from church years ago.

        Liked by 1 person

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